I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
