dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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