He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
