We're like a lot better than the average bears
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
