my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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