also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
