finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
