He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
