She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
