i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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