i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
