How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
