your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
