if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
