how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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