bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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