I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
