Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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