just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
