direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
