Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
