Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
