Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
