You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
