I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
