my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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