youre lurking in front of me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do vagina's smell?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
