it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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