I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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