Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
