Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
