when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
