Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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