You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
