had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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