All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
