I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What happened to fro yo and sex?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
