On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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