I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
