I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
