you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
