Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
