So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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