just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
