dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Panties = found
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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