I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
