i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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