She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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