70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
