I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
