Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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