Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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