i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
