So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
