Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
