wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
