Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
