can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
