I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
