I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
