Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
