some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
