i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
