He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
