He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
