The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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