so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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