Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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