Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
