I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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