his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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