I seem to have left my pride at pride
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
