You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
