You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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