I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
