On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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