I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
